Feature: The Impact of Intimacy Coordination On “Perfectly Good Moment”
If there’s one thing I hope audiences take away—besides the haunting, seductive story—it’s this: Intimacy coordination is not a limitation. It’s an artform.
And when we give it the recognition it deserves, everybody wins.
By Acacia DëQueer
Intimacy Coordinator, Perfectly Good Moment
Phase 3 Trainee, PIP Launchpad Training Program
Marketing Team, Principal Intimacy Professionals
What happens when a 19-year-old falls for a 34-year-old? And what happens years later, when she walks back into his life—maybe for closure, maybe for chaos? That’s the central question behind Perfectly Good Moment, a psychosexual thriller written by and starring Amanda Jane Stern and directed by Lauren Greenhall. It’s smart, sexy, intense—and as the film’s intimacy coordinator, I got to help bring that heat to the screen using trauma-informed practices.
Perfectly Good Moment is a prime example of how thoughtful intimacy coordination doesn’t just protect people; it actually makes the film better.
What Perfectly Good Moment Is About
On the surface, it’s a story about a toxic relationship. Ruby and David have been on-again, off-again for 8 years. When Ruby returns after disappearing for six months, old magnetism (and dysfunction) returns fast. But this isn’t some cheap drama. The film is filled with moral tension and emotional complexity, and it refuses to spell out what we’re supposed to think. The film challenges viewers to question perceptions of control, sensitivity, and the underlying motives in relationships.
Directed by Lauren Greenhall in her narrative feature debut, and featuring Broadway’s Stephen Carlile, the film has garnered accolades at numerous festivals, including the Unrestricted View Film Festival and the West Sound Film Festival.
Why This Film Needed an Intimacy Coordinator
Content Warning: this movie gets intense. With everything from nipple play to sexual assault, the sex scenes aren’t just “steamy interludes” — they’re constant narrative propellers as we watch this two-person drama unfold. The choreography exposes and plays with power dynamics in every scene. And each scene is more intense than the last as the choreography builds on itself—exposing a unique perspective on performativity and sex in this sci-fi based romantic thriller.
The scenes needed to be safe enough for the cast and crew to work on, and they also needed to be hot enough to convince the audience that there was a reason that the couple stayed for so long.
According to Amanda Jane Stern, I accomplished that goal. When interviewing for this blog post, she stated that “intimacy coordinators are not sex police. Yes, safety is a huge part of the job, but they also know how to make intimacy scenes look and sound the best they can.”
And she’s right. A good IC doesn’t shut things down—we create a space where actors feel safe enough to be in the moment.
So, How Do You Choreograph Intimacy Without Killing the Vibe?
Here’s how I did it:
Private Boundary Conversations: I spoke with each actor individually during pre-production check-ins before we started choreographing so that everyone had the opportunity to voice preferences and boundaries without added pressure.
Stoplight Boundary Practices: We used a red-yellow-green system to map out what physical touch was okay, what was maybe okay, and what was a hard no.
Specific Choreography: We mapped out every movement, down to the breaths—notating choreography and planning each scene before we arrived on set. By the time we were filming, the actors took the technique and embodied it, leading to a product that looked as real as possible on-screen.
Closure Practices: To keep everyone grounded and present, even in the most emotionally intense moments, we used theater practices combined with research-based psychological techniques like “tapping-in” and “tapping-out” in-between takes. For especially traumatic scenes, I asked them to put on and take off their character and store them away in a specific spot to increase emotional separation. These are practices that many actors use, and they may have their own words for. Closure practices (derolling practices) frame these theater exercises into a mutually understood ritual, offering structure and psychological security for performers.
We Got a Little… Animalistic
One of my favorite techniques I brought in was a Brechtian-inspired improvisation exercise using gestus. I asked each actor to choose an animal that embodied their character.
Stephen chose a wolf—controlled, lurking, emotionally detached.
Amanda chose an ocelot—small but fierce, elegant yet unpredictable, always ready to pounce or flee.
This helped both actors explore physicality and character in a way that let them inhabit the roles without losing themselves in them. It made the scenes feel electric, but also gave them a safe emotional distance.
Intimacy Coordinators Aren’t Coming For Your Job
Intimacy work has historically been executed as invisible labor, distributed among different departments and positions including costumers, actors, directors, and others (Villarreal, 2022). While it is important to acknowledge the experience and expertise of generations of artists, putting extra unspoken responsibilities on these individuals means things fall through the cracks… a lot.
When discussing her inspiration for the film, Amanda Jane Stern reflected on the history of intimacy in film, saying, “I was thinking a lot about Last Tango in Paris, which is a movie that I like a lot, and I’m also very conflicted by that because we know about how horrible filming one specific scene [the rape scene] was and how that was a complete violation of [Maria Schneider’s] boundaries. And it’s really hard to look back at these things and grapple with that kind of content, and so I was thinking a lot about that when I wrote [Perfectly Good Moment]” (Obropta, 2023).
Everyone Gets Scared Sometimes
Amanda Jane Stern was highly aware of the need for an intimacy coordinator as both a film critic and historian, and a child actor. That’s one of the many reasons she insisted on hiring an intimacy coordinator for Perfectly Good Moment. “I had filmed movies that had scenes with sexual content but nothing like this,” she said. “It was definitely scary going into it” (Mayberg, 2023).
When I asked Amanda if there was anything about working together that surprised her, she wrote to me saying, “I’d never worked with an intimacy coordinator before, I’d interviewed a few and knew how important they were, but this was my first opportunity to actually work with one. I think what surprised me was how nervous I was at first for the intimacy scenes, even though I’d done intimacy scenes before, but how easy Acacia made the whole process. Rehearsals involved a lot of games that really helped me and my co-star become comfortable with our characters and each other and by the time we were filming everything just felt so easy.”
Taking Control Of The Narrative
That’s not to say Amanda was in any way unprepared to work on the intimate content, saying “I ultimately wrote [Perfectly Good Moment] with my own boundaries in mind [...] Granted, that’s only me. That’s not taking into account Stephen’s boundaries, so I said, ‘I know there’s a lot of intimate content in this script [...] we’ll have an intimacy coordinator on, and if there are things you’re not comfortable with, we can modify and change things’” (Obropta, 2023).
From Frightening To Fun
As the intimacy coordinator, I was fortunate to work with a team that invested in my work creating Perfectly Good Moment—actively participating and taking my suggestions. We found ways to work together and play to our strengths. As the director, Lauren Greenhall, explains, “In Intimacy rehearsals, I would begin by leading a few acting exercises, and then Acacia would lead intimacy exercises. In each rehearsal, these exercises had a different focus depending on the scene we were tackling. Sometimes I participated [in solo exercises focused on self-regulation and reflection] (the yoga was great!) but for the majority of them I watched Acacia lead Stephen and Amanda.” (Greenhall, 2024)
And it worked!
“Because we spent so much time working with Acacia, pages that were sexy in the script became ten times even more erotic on the screen. I’d even go so far as to say that the intimate scenes became some of the easiest ones to film because we fostered such an open environment. They were even fun.”
Lauren Greenhall agreed, saying, “The choreography made the sexuality of the moment aligned with the inner life of the character, versus characters simply kissing and touching each other while delivering dialogue. Because of an intimacy coordinator’s expertise, the beat wasn’t just horny for the sake of being horny, it spoke to the story.” (Greenhall, 2024)
Director Lauren Greenahall (L) and Intimacy Coordinator Acacia DëQueer on set.
A Film That’s Sexy Because It’s Safe
There was a lot of discussion about where and how my contributions should be noted within the film itself. It was decided that I should be honored as other department heads were, with my name prominently featured in the title sequence and the closing credits.
My role as the intimacy coordinator was also emphasized in the press of Perfectly Good Moment, encouraging ethical consumption of the film to viewers and reassuring them that while the topic of the film might be violent, behind the scenes, the actors were not suffering a similar fate.
Articles like:
Performers Stephen Carlile (L) and Amanda Jane Stern (R)
The impact of my work could also be seen in the reviews of Perfectly Good Moment. Kstrouse raved on Cinematic Lovelies (2023) that Amanda Jane Stern and Stephen Carlile’s “sexual chemistry is electric but the power dynamics at play ring even stronger.” Jamietoth from A Cyclops at the Cinema (2023) said that “Intimacy Coordinator Acacia DëQueer ensured that everyone’s boundaries were respected and that everyone felt safe during the process of filming. Amanda Jane Stern and Stephen Carlile not only give stellar performances, but create varying tension between them as we move through their story. It’s so palpable it feels as though the relationship itself is a character in and of itself that holds them in thrall.” And even Chris Esper, from Film Threat (2023), noted that “The love scenes are executed and shot tastefully.” While that last one might not sound like a rave, consider this: when was the last time you heard love scenes in a romantic thriller described as tasteful?
“Sexual chemistry is electric but the power dynamics at play ring even stronger.”
Lessons Learned
As an intimacy coordinator, there are a few things I would do differently in the future:
Updating Intimacy Barriers: There have been considerable advancements in intimacy barrier design and accessibility since we shot Perfectly Good Moment in 2021. Companies like Intimask, Covvier, and The Modesty Shop offer specialised garments for films like this, which I would utilize instead of the DIY underwear we cut. I’d also use skin colored athletic tape instead of the medical tape we used. Athletic tape comes in larger, wider sheets and is designed to withstand sweat and movement, making it the ideal candidate for attaching modesty garments to performers. Trans Tape is a great option, as it is designed for longer wear (ideal for long days on set).
Meeting With The Director and DP During Pre-Production: I had a lovely time collaborating with Lauren Greenhall and the Director of Photography, Matt Braunsdorf. We had many excellent discussions about the cinematography of Perfectly Good Moment during production that centered around perspective, storytelling, technology, and the gaze. Our work together was rewarded as we won Best Cinematography at the West Sound Film Festival (2023). We could have saved time by having many of those discussions during pre-production, though. In the future, I would like to have dedicated time to work with the director and director of photography so we can get on the same page about the artistic vision and technical aspects of the intimacy scenes we shoot together, as well as how they relate to the film as a whole.
Conclusion: From Shadows to Spotlight
Perfectly Good Moment was a bold, daring film—one that demanded just as much emotional rigor behind the camera as it did on screen. My work as intimacy coordinator wasn’t just about setting boundaries or choreographing physicality—it was about building trust, shaping story, and elevating performance through care.
In a film about control, desire, and blurred lines, it was essential to draw our own lines with clarity and compassion. We proved that intimacy coordination doesn’t hinder creativity—it unlocks it. The result? A film that’s not just sexy, but smart. Not just safe, but stunning.
If there’s one thing I hope audiences take away—besides the haunting, seductive story—it’s this: Intimacy coordination is not a limitation. It’s an artform. And when we give it the recognition it deserves, everybody wins.
IC Acacia DëQueer (second from R) at the premiere of Perfectly Good Moment with fellow cast and crew.
Where To Watch
Want to see Perfectly Good Moment for yourself? Watch it for free on Tubi!
What’s PIP Got To Do, Got To Do With It?
Amanda Jane Stern is the first PIP Pop Quiz participant to be featured in our new blog post series. PIP Pop Quizzes are an educational series we publish exclusively on BlueSky. For more information, read our blog post.
I (Acacia DëQueer) am currently in Phase 3 of the Launchpad Training Program, earning my triple certification in intimacy education, coordination, and direction. Working on this project before I joined PIP gave me a strong foundation for the training I’m doing now. As a trainee at PIP, I look forward to utilizing what I’ve learned through Principal Intimacy Professionals on the next film I collaborate on with Amanda Jane Stern.
Acacia DëQueer’s Bio
IC Acacia DëQueer at the premiere of "Perfectly Goof Moment”
Acacia DëQueer (fae/they/xe/he) is a white nonbinary transgender disabled queer intimacy coordinator, writer, and educator devoted to diversity in storytelling. Their film credits include As You Are, which won Best of Festival at Superfest Disability Film Festival and U.S. Narrative Short Special Mention at Outfest in 2024 among other awards, and Perfectly Good Moment, which won Special Mention Best Foreign Feature Film at the 2024 Unrestricted View Film Festival on top of other honors. Fae have published and presented original research about intimacy coordination and the entertainment and media industry in peer-reviewed journals, and lectured about intimacy and consent in the performing arts at colleges and universities. Acacia holds a B.A. in International Studies with a minor in Film from Vassar College.
Website: acacia.gay | BlueSky: @acaciadequeer LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/acaciawillis
Bibliography
“About.” AMANDA JANE STERN. Accessed May 27, 2025. https://www.amandajanestern.com/about.html.
Chris Esper. “Perfectly Good Moment.” filmthreat.com. Accessed May 27, 2025. https://filmthreat.com/reviews/perfectly-good-moment/.
Cinema Femme. “1st Trailer Drops for Feminist Erotic Thriller ‘Perfectly Good Moment.’” Cinema Femme, September 9, 2022. https://cinemafemme.com/2022/09/01/1st-trailer-drops-for-feminist-erotic-thriller-perfectly-good-moment/.
DëQueer, Acacia. “Home.” Acacia DëQueer, September 15, 2023. https://acacia.gay/.
Greenhall, Lauren. “How to Make Sex Scenes Look 100% without Anyone Feeling Weird.” MovieMaker, November 19, 2024. https://www.moviemaker.com/sex-scenes-intimacy-coordinator-perfectly-good-moment/.
Jamietoth. “Perfectly Good Moment.” A Cyclops at the Cinema. Accessed May 27, 2025. https://somewhatcyclops.com/perfectly-good-moment/.
Kstrouse. “Perfectly Good Moment (2022).” Cinematic Lovelies, November 14, 2023. https://cinematiclovelies.wordpress.com/2023/11/14/perfectly-good-moment-2022/.
Mayberg, Nathan. “Better than Perfect, Amanda Jane Stern Breaks out in Starring Role, Screenplay for ‘Perfectly Good Moment.’” Nate’s Hall, June 25, 2023. https://natesportshall.wordpress.com/2023/02/03/better-than-perfect-amanda-jane-stern-breaks-out-in-starring-role-screenplay-for-perfectly-good-moment/.
Obropta, Clement Tyler. “Interview with Actor, Writer and Producer Amanda Jane Stern for Perfectly Good Moment.” Film Inquiry, February 27, 2023. https://www.filminquiry.com/amanda-jane-stern-interview/.
“Perfectly Good Moment.” Perfectly Good Moment. Accessed May 27, 2025. https://www.perfectlygoodmoment.com/.
“Principal Intimacy Professionals.” Principle Intimacy Professionals. Accessed May 27, 2025. https://www.principalintimacy.com/our-team.
Stern, Amanda Jane. “Let’s Get Intimate.” PROVOKR, 2022. Accessed May 27, 2025. https://www.provokr.com/film/lets-get-intimate/.
THM. “The Psychosexual Thriller You Don’t Want to Miss at the Unrestricted View Film Festival: CGO.” www.cgomovies.co.uk, April 19, 2023. https://www.cgomovies.co.uk/2023/04/19/the-psychosexual-thriller-you-dont-want-to-miss-at-the-unrestricted-view-film-festival/.
Villarreal, Amanda Rose. “The Evolution of Consent-Based Performance.” Journal of Consent-Based Performance 1, no. 1 (January 28, 2022): 5–23. https://doi.org/10.46787/jcbp.v1i1.2811.
This blog post was written in collaboration with PIP’s Social Media Team, which is comprised of several Launchpad students training to become Intimacy Professionals through our energy exchange initiative.
